Attachment

One day, aku whatsapp Abah. Just normal routine kalau takde benda nak buat. Lol

I said:

Abah tahu kan, I got a lot of friends... I kawan je dengan semua. Boys. Girls. But somehow, I pelik. Why the ell they leave me. All of sudden, they unfriend me. Hmm. Something like that. I'm sad. But I can conclude people, cant accept us for who we are. I takpernah cari kawan. They suddenly come to me and hey, let's be friends. They come to me and adding me as their friend, and then they go. 

Easy come, easy go. People come and go.

Khairi once said, mana ada people come and come.

Sternly I replied:

I guess people come and stay mehh.

Then he said: 

Memanglah. Tak ada yang kekal di dunia ni melainkan DIA.

I was like... Whoa, making new perspective. Okay. Just istiqamah make relationship with Allah.

Somehow, it hurts inside. You couldnt see it physically. That's why I prefer to stay alone. Pergi mana mana pun sorang sorang. But in my lone ranger mode, people will come. I guess that is just part of life process. People come and go.

Ada waktu kita redha...

Ada waktu kita sedih...

Ada waktu kita sakit...

Kehilangan kawan...

How I wish that people who come starting this very year will stay forever with me and never leave. But then, who am I to wishing like this n that. Macam tak layak je nak berharap camtu. Segala - galanya Allah yang tentukan.

Therefore, I always be prepared to face loss after loss. Face every loss. It is inevitable. Unavoidable.

Abah said:

Kesimpulannya mudah saje, orang taknak kawan takpe. Jangan cari musuh sudahlah. You said that you never find them, so kalau hilang pun, watpe nak sedih? Dont worry be happy. la takhof wa la tahzan. Innallahha ma'ana. Nasrumminallahhi walfathul qarib.

But still...

I dont want heart feeling.

I hate clingy. 

I hate overly attached.

I hate it when I started to get along with someone, next thing I know, people leave me and I'm not worth with any explanation.

It hurts and kinda sucks. 

I dont know how to express this kind of feelings. I'm scared, phobia. in doubt and eventually it will make me sad. I just wanna make it works. At least once and forever and ever.

Coz I'm tired. I'm so scared of losing people that I care, I love and it always happened. I've lost lots of people who I love, I care the most. It is really depressing, sad and pathetic.

Well actually...
I really hope that people who come in this year will stay forever till my last breath. Insyaallah aaminn.

Or else...

Dont you dare to come and be part of my life if you will leave me in the end.
Because...
I hate when people treat me so special for one day and next day I'm just nothing for them. Please dont do that to me, people. Ignore me for days and then start talking to me again like nothing happened.

Hurt. A lot. Inside.

Last but not least,
Aku dah biasa sorang sorang. Kalau datang dengan niat nak pergi, jangan datang langsung. Attachment is hurt as fuck. Attachment is a bitch. Kbai.